Through a New Lens
by Heart of Bubbles
Summary: Photo majors Jean Kirstein and Eren Jaeger did not get off to a very good start, but when they are assigned to work together on a racy mock ad campaign, the lines between them are blurred. - This is shamelessly Erejean. - Leave suggestions in the reviews. - Cover image by yuki119 on tumblr.
1. Model

_One day can be perfectly ordinary and the next can be perfectly extraordinary. Just one person can change the way someone looks at the world completely, making one see the extraordinary in the ordinary and the ordinary in the extraordinary. More often than not, that person is not who one would expect to barge into one's life so rudely and demand attention, but it is all for the best._

* * *

I fit right into the crowd at Starbucks with my grey beanie, floral button-up shirt, tight black jeans, and forest green TOMS. My eccentric (yet not eye-burning) outfit was actually pretty tame among the other students at the art school I attended. College was pretty cool. Lots of freedom, liberation from my parents, new experiences. My champagne-colored iPhone was settled nicely in my hand as I received my complicated drink order and headed off to class at a leisurely pace. Since I was a photography major, I had my camera bag hanging on my shoulder as I drew toward the quad, where class would be taking place that day. I arrived just in time and saw my classmates already sitting in a circle around the teacher, who was reviewing his notes before class and checking his watch. When I sat down next to my best friend, Marco Bott, he gave me a bright smile as a greeting. Soon after, though, the teacher cleared his throat before speaking.

"Alright, class. Today is the last day of our nature photography focus. Take as many quality photos of the scenery as you can for the students over at computer design to reference. At the end of class today, we're going to come back together and I will assign you a partner for the long-awaited human photography unit. The reason I assigned your partners instead of letting you pick them like usual was to get you used to not necessarily knowing your models or coworkers very well, because you will probably experience that in your careers as professional photographers. Nevertheless, you should work on your ability to tap into your model's strengths and take some good photos. Now get snapping and come back in an hour!"

I went off to my designated area and snapped some different angles of cattails and water lilies in the pond area. My mind was elsewhere, though. All I could think about was who my partner would be. I prayed to every deity I knew of to get Marco, because I wasn't particularly friendly with anyone else and, due to my abrasive personality, most people didn't seem to like me very much.

When the time finally came for us to return to our circle and find out who we would be working with, my heart was pounding out of my chest. I was in such a daze that I didn't even pay attention to the teacher's announcements of the partnerships. Once most people had cleared out of the area to consult with their partners about the plans, I realized my mistake and cursed myself for being so stupid. Luckily, my partner seemed to have found me. Unfortunately, it was the only person in the class I knew of with an actual rooted dislike for me, as opposed to a simple neutrality. I groaned as I stood up and was forced to look into those angry, blue-green eyes.

"Eren."

"Horse-face," he growled.

"Let's just get this over with quickly so we can go back to keeping our distance," I reasoned calmly.

"Fine," he muttered, looking at me expectantly. I soon realized that he expected me to pitch an idea, but I couldn't because I wasn't listening. I blushed from embarrassment because of this and he realized my predicament. "We're supposed to come up a portfolio of pictures to use in an ad campaign. The subject of the ad was assigned to each pair so everyone would have different pictures. We're supposed to come up with a concept and take the photos this week and then work with visual design next week to make a finished project. We're being graded on quality of the pictures and the concept and they're just being graded on the quality of their work because we're taking the lead on this one," he explained with a bored tone. I was grateful that he didn't embarrass me further, though, so I briefly reconsidered our mutual disdain and distrust, but quickly cast those silly, foolish thoughts away.

"Okay, so what's our project on?"

"Um… Well, it's uh…," he stuttered, cheeks suddenly brightening with a light pink blush.

"Spit it out, you little shit," I ordered impatiently.

"Underwear. It's underwear."

"Well shit," I breathed.

"That's what I was thinking."

* * *

_Information We Can Share So Far:_

_-Photography classes are kept small to ensure each student gets enough individual attention._

_-The first photography class had to be cut short due to a fight between students Jean Kirstein and Eren Jaeger._

* * *

Eren was an okay model, but I think we both knew that he wasn't really that comfortable modeling in only his Hanes, especially for me. I sighed and waved a hand to signal a pause.

"Let's take five, Jaeger," my voice resonated through the cramped, light grey shooting room. I set my camera down on my stool and grabbed my coffee, taking sip and trying to think of ways to turn things around. Eren grabbed his dark washed jeans from the floor and put them on. The sound of him fiddling with his belt annoyed me a little, and I wondered why he was getting dressed. Did he want to call it a day?

"Kirstein," he began and I turned to face him, eyebrows furrowed quizzically.

"What?" I snapped, though I really was curious about what he had to say.

"You should try to model for this shoot."

"Are you crazy? We agreed I wouldn't have to get in front of the camera, dickface. Or don't you remember?"

"I know, but I think we both need this grade." He had a point. If I didn't bring my grade up soon, I wouldn't pass the class and then what kind of photo major would I be? A shitty one, obviously.

So I considered it. I really didn't want to model half-naked, and I had my reasons for not wanting to. But at some point I would have to cut my losses and just do it, because I could see where Eren was coming from. I would have to put some effort into the project too if I wanted to get a good grade on this, nevermind Eren's situation. So I sighed.

"Fine," I replied, though I was incredibly nervous about what I was about to do.

* * *

Information We Can Share So Far:

-Jean has a number of tattoos - a bird of prey on his right bicep, a tribal lion on his left pectoral, and a tribal sun on his left shoulder – and piercings – two cartilage piercings on his right ear, snakebite piercings, a right nipple piercing, and a right eyebrow piercing.

-Eren has no body modifications (yet).

* * *

I wasn't sure I particularly wanted Eren to see me half naked, even though I was pretty sure he was straight so it wasn't like he would be drooling and making me feel weird or anything. It's just…I think it's hard to maintain a professional relationship after someone has seen so much of me and I've seen so much of them.

Even so, I decided to suck it up and get undressed. So I shed my crimson-colored vest, kicked off my black boots and socks, and paused when I found my hands at the hem of my black tee. Was I really sure of this? Did I really want to pose in front of the camera? It was already too late to back out, though, so I was forced to gulp and remove my shirt. As soon as I tossed it onto the pile, I felt Eren's gaze hot on my skin and everything was silent except for the beating out my heart, loud and fast.

"Holy shit, Jean," he breathed.

"What the fuck is your problem?" I snarled, feeling increasingly uncomfortable under his gaze.

"There's no problem, dude. No problem at all. Your body was made for the camera." I noticed he didn't say 'no homo'. Did I dangerously misjudge him? Was he secretly one of those pervy gays who was only a photo major to see nude pictures of people? Gross! I felt a shudder go through my body and I reached for my shirt again, but a hand gripping my forearm stopped me. I looked up at the owner of the hand defiantly.

"What is your deal?"

"Calm down, bro. Can't take a compliment?"

"Not from you, creep."

"I'm not a creep!" he shouted.

I straightened up so we were nose to nose, though I was a bit taller than Eren was. "Oh? Then what are you?"

"I'm me."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"It means that I care about who I am and stay true to it. I speak my mind. And I want to kiss you."

"You don't have the balls," I spat, narrowing my eyes.

"Is that a challenge, Kirstein?" he whispered in a tone that almost made me melt from the heat of our skin touching.

"You bet your ass it is."

"You mean _your_ ass," he breathed into my ear before he ran kisses along my neck and finally on my lips. Our lips were locked for a while before I broke the kiss with a playful grin.

"You know, it's really not fair that you're wearing more clothes than me."

"I'll fix that right up, horse face," he answered in that same low tone that I loved, even though I was only just getting to know this side of Eren. He took off his shirt slowly and I could see each muscle moving as he slid out of it easily.

"Let's call it a day and get back to shooting tomorrow, hm?" I suggested, which he confirmed with a passionate kiss. I was glad we'd locked the door at the start of our shoot because I was not going to let this stupid shit get away without finishing what he'd started.


	2. Surprise

"We never speak of this again."

"Deal."

And we didn't speak of it for a little while. Even though it was all good fun, we both probably felt way too embarrassed to even think about it. But the following day when we had to see each other in class, both of us blushed on sight of the other and couldn't stand to work any more fluidly than we had the day before. About an hour into it, I put my hands up and told Eren to stop.

"What?" he tried to growl, but it came out more like how a pubescent boy speaks to his crush.

"We can't do this anymore."

"Do what?"

"We can't not talk about what happened yesterday."

"We agreed not to."

"This isn't working, though. We need to talk. Put the camera away, sit down, and we'll talk."

He didn't consent to that verbally, but he did follow my order and turned around to put his camera back in its home. When he did, my mouth practically watered at the sight of his ass, which I considered very beautiful, and the medium grey pants he wore complimented them well without being too flagrant for my tastes (at least in public).

Then we both sat down on the floor with our legs crossed the way elementary school children cross them and looked at each other for a while. I couldn't get some less-than-holy thoughts from my mind, but I forcefully pushed them away, reminding myself that I did have another goal.

"I think that we should pursue…us," I began, feeling rather nervous but doing my best to keep my voice steady.

"I don't want to," he said unsurely, unable to meet my gaze. I guided his gaze to me with a hand under his chin and spoke with a low certainty that surprised the both of us.

"That is complete and total bullshit, Jaeger. We both know it. Let's just try it, okay? We'll try being…sort of committed. We don't have to tell anyone or anything, but I…" I went on, though my voice eventually broke as I was at a loss for words.

"You're such a loser," he said, grinning, before he cupped my face and we engaged in a nice, long kiss before I broke it, blushing slightly, but also smirking playfully.

"We have to shoot today, greedy bastard," I mocked and stood up, earning muffled cursing as I saw him getting a little bit excited. He was a year younger than I was, so I suspected he was a little worse at commanding his little soldier. Either than or he really just thought he was gonna get some again, which I would not allow except perhaps…after shooting. Then we would have some more time to play with.

But while we were still at the studio in our cramped, hot little room, we both had the genius idea to get a move on. So he picked up his camera and I began to emulate poses I'd seen in underwear ads before (I totally wasn't staring, though! Get your mind out of the gutter), though they seemed a bit lackluster. So I improvised a bit, showed a little skin, a little sass, a little of that look that I think may have worked on Eren because, hell, why else would he be so eager? I could sometimes hear his breath hitch just a little because the pictures were pretty suggestive. But both of us knew that advertisements, especially for underwear, had to be that way. Selling the sex was an almost guaranteed way to be effective. The only side effect was our complete and utter failure to maintain our professionalism, but since it sparked something else, I suppose it's forgivable.

"I think we have enough photos," Eren announced after a bit, sounding distant as he reviewed the pictures. I saw him biting his lip a little at some of them and grinned as I dressed, unable to tear my eyes from him. As much as I hated that dumb loser, he was adorable and I just wanted to cuddle him forever, though I wouldn't admit that to anyone – myself included – for a time.

"Alright. Then let's head out," I replied once I was dressed again.

"You mean…together?" he asked, his trance broken.

"Yeah. Unless you wanna have phone sex or something," I joked, getting my things.

"Ohhhhh," he replied, realization sinking in. He hurriedly began to gather his things and dropped some of them and frantically picked them up as if there was a time limit and I just chuckled. I would wait for him because, even though I had piles and piles of schoolwork to finish, I was looking forward to some fun after a long period of dull existence.

* * *

Information We Can Share So Far:

-Jean is pursuing a double major: photography and law. He has told those close to him that he loved photography, but law was a practical career, so he plans on becoming a lawyer.

-Eren is only studying towards a single photography major.

* * *

My bed felt softer with someone else in it there with me to hold and to be held by. But when I woke up the next morning and looked at Eren sleeping there next to me, I felt a sharp pang in my heart. He was not mine and I was not his. We were not each other's, and that hurt me more than I thought it should have. Just days before, we had hated each other. Or…perhaps it was all some elaborate trick our minds had simultaneously played on us. Either way, I knew I didn't want some…some…guy to steal this thing we had away from us, from me. As short as it was, I wanted it for a long, long time. I wanted the comfort, the stability. I knew I would have to ask.

"Hey, Eren," I whispered, nudging him lightly. His bright eyes opened and I momentarily forgot what I was going to say because of how stunned I was by how very pretty they were, how pretty he was.

"Yeah?" he mumbled, still too tired to remember our normal rudeness to each other.

"What…are we?" I asked nervously, not wanted to meet his gaze but also not wanting to look away and miss even a second of it.

"What do you mean?" he yawned, wiping the sleep from his eyes and turning from out previous 'spooning' position to one where we faced each other.

"I mean…are we just fuck buddies, or…?" I explained unceremoniously, still feeling awkward about the whole thing.

"Haven't we gone over this?" he asked, not sounding particularly annoyed, just a trifle confused.

"I just wanna be clear."

"Okay. Well let's not tell anyone yet. But," he said, pausing to stroke my hair, "I'd be jealous if I saw you with some other guy."

"I'd be jealous too," I murmured, smiling slightly in the darkness.

"Yeah, but you'd have a reason to be. Bestiality is gross, horsey."

"What does that say about you then?"

"Shut up," he whispered, admitting defeat reluctantly in that small phrase. I simply chuckled, ruffling his hair before rising with a long stretch to welcome the new day. I felt a small slap on my rear, and when I turned around, I saw Eren grinning brightly and I rolled my eyes playfully.

"Pervert."

* * *

Since it was Sunday, I didn't have classes, so I dedicated the day to getting my work done after Eren left. I finished in about four hours, which was a lot less time than what I'd budgeted, so I thought of a fun way to spend my time other than reading or twiddling my thumbs.

* * *

I picked Eren up in my Prius (save your judgments, it's not a bad car) around eight and we arrived at eight fifteen for the reservation I'd placed already. The restaurant was pretty fancy, but I could afford it just fine. The car ride there was full of banter, but when I parked, a silence immediately came over us. It felt weird to take him out to dinner, like a date would make it all real. But I pushed that away and gave him a small peck on the lips as encouragement that it would be alright.

The restaurant was sort of crowded when we got there, mostly by straight people who gave us judging looks. As strong as Eren pretended to be, I felt him shrink at their glares of disapproval and try to hide behind my frame. I simply responded by tightening my arm around him and ignoring the strangers as I stood in front of the hostess' podium.

"Hi. I have a reservation under 'Kirstein'."

"Right. Follow me right this way."

When we got to our seats, we held hands across the table and just smiled at each other, wanting to absorb each other's presence visually as long as we could before our food arrived and we'd have to eat. But when it did finally come, we one used one of our hands to eat. Our other hands were clasped together still.

"You're such a loser," Eren mumbled through a mouthful of salmon.

"Am I?"

"Yeah."

"Well then why did you agree to go out with me?"

"Free food," he replied without hesitation.

"Greedy little asshole."

"Maybe I'd be a greedy big asshole if you topped me."

"You're asking for it," I informed, pausing my meal to look at him.

"I know," he confirmed, meeting my gaze with a naughty glint in his eye.

I smirked before beckoning over the waiter to pack up our food to go. He took it away and returned it with the check, which I paid in cash because I was so excited to bring Eren home to test his theory.

* * *

"That was...wow…" Eren breathed.

"So I'm not bad?" I jokingly asked, flopping down onto my back next to him.

"Not at all."

"Is this gonna be every night now?"

"You bet your ass it is."

"You mean_ your _ass," I mocked, using the retort he had used a few days before.

* * *

The following week, we gathered for class again. I sat down next to Marco as usual and casually listened, though the words didn't bear much weight with me. Whenever my eyes met Eren's we both smiled and both tried to hide it quite unsuccessfully. I got the general idea that we'd be going out into the city streets and taking some pictures in our partnerships from before in the city for extra practice with photographing a model, though it wouldn't be graded. We were encouraged to be creative, though. A good quality picture could earn extra credit. He also said that two groups could work together if two or three models were required for a picture. I didn't really care about any of it, though. I was sure Eren and I could pull off a picture or two for extra credit and spend the rest of the time together just enjoying the city.

So we all dispersed and the first thing he and I did was take a couple pictures of each other just posing in alright poses. Then, as we walked, we saw a small, dark alleyway and looked at each other, both having the same idea. Maybe not quite public sex, but nothing would stop us from making out passionately enough to get us warmed up for it. Suddenly, I heard a 'snap' and both Eren and I looked up to see a grinning Marco and blushing Armin.

"How nice of you to join us," Marco joked innocently.

"Fuck you, Marco. I'm gonna kill you," I snarled, but Eren held me back.

"Calm down, Jean. Shh. Calm down," he whispered in my ear, chin resting comfortably on my shoulder.

"Yeah, hold up. It's not a big deal. You're just kissing your boyfriend. No harm in that," reasoned Marco.

"WE'RE NOT BOYFRIENDS!" Eren and I both corrected louder than was necessary.

"Oh? Then what is this?" Marco asked, flipping his viewfinder around so we could see the picture. We did look awfully comfortable with each other, which we sort of were. It was a bit of a whirlwind thing, but we spent pretty much every day together after that time in the studio. Mostly it was just cuddling on the couch while watching a movie or having sex, but we did go on another date after that first one to a café for breakfast. Anyway, it was a great picture.

Eren and I looked at each other with light smiles, both having forgotten the anger from before. We were just about to kiss again before Armin cleared his throat to get our attention.

"We'll be going, then," he said, though we didn't much care and Eren waved him off as we got going again. I heard Marco snicker, but didn't care enough to think about why.

* * *

Back in class, the teacher called for submissions for extra credit. Marco and Armin said that they had one and handed the camera to the teacher, who looked at it for a long time, then at Marco and Armin, then at me and Eren. I felt anger bubbling in my stomach as he smiled at us from the front of the room and I looked at Eren, who just seemed to have a defeated calm about him. I don't know what exactly was going through his head right then, but I was angry with him and jealous of him for his apparent indifference.

Class was dismissed after that, but the teacher told me and Eren to stay so he could talk to us. Dread overcame me, but I managed to move my lead feet and navigate closer to him and stood next to Eren. My arm wrapped around his shoulders from force of habit and I could see the teacher's eyes widen, which confused me for an instant before I realized what I'd done.

"So… I suppose you two have worked out your differences then?" he inquired, leaning casually against his desk.

"In a manner of speaking, I suppose so, sir," I responded curtly, the way I did when I felt particularly nervous.

"We only started dating recently, sir," Eren added.

"Well I don't care what happens in your personal lives as long as it doesn't interfere with your schoolwork," he began, looking at us over the rim of his glasses. "I don't pretend to know why or how you two became boyfriends, but I wish you the best," he went on.

"We're not boyfriends, sir," I corrected, Eren nodding his head beside me.

"Right. Whatever you say."

* * *

Eren came home with me so we could have dinner together at my place. I'd yet to see his place, but that was alright because we still didn't want anyone else to know. Luckily, Marco was my best friend and Armin was his, so we considered the information to be safe around the rest of our friends (we were sort of in the same friend group, despite having previously not gotten along).

"So what do you think about what happened today?" Eren asked as he helped himself to some alfredo.

"You'll have to be more specific," I responded calmly, feeling quite comfortable and happy that Eren was with me.

"About everyone calling us boyfriends."

"What are you asking?" I inquired, brows furrowed in confusion.

"Do you think we should be?"

"I don't know. Do you? It's so soon."

"Yeah, but people are gonna call us that anyway. Why not just accept it? I practically live here already and it's not like we act any different from people in relationships," he explained calmly, taking a bite of his pasta.

"Whatever you want, but if we're gonna be boyfriends I'm gonna call you petnames."

"Haven't we always done that, _horse face_?"

"You little asshole," I growled playfully, giving him a little peck on the cheek.

"We're working on that, remember?" he joked with a big smile on his face, and I knew what that look meant.

"Let's get to it, then?"


	3. Life

The crisp air soon became heavy with moisture, and the grass crystalized in ice and snow as our landscape turned from green to brown to white. In my law courses, nothing much changed. We stayed inside, we read books, we commented on reference cases. Photography classes were always the ones I looked forward to, not only because they were fun, but also because I got to see Eren. Whenever we were allowed to pick our partners. Eren and I always paired up, which was alright because that allowed Marco and Armin to cultivate their friendship too.

Eren was always on my mind. When we were apart, which already wasn't that much of a time, all I could think about was counting the hours until we could be together again. We were constantly texting, snapchatting, emailing, instagram DMing, facebooking, or otherwise communicating with each other. On tumblr, we had already announced our relationship by posting the kissing picture that Marco and Armin took on that fateful day and opened up our asks to questions about us an things like that. A lot of people were really supportive, which was really nice. Our friends were also super nice about it, though we both knew that everyone was really surprised about us not trying to tear each other's heads off.

Sasha Braus, who had been in a very long-term relationship with Connie Springer, suggested us all go ice skating because all of us were in relationships, though Sasha and Connie were the only straight couple (one might call them the token straight people in our group of friends). Mikasa Ackerman, Eren's adoptive sister, agreed to bring her girlfriend, Annie Leonhart. I, personally, don't really understand their relationship because they're both really intense and dominant so they always seem to be in the middle of a power struggle to me, but I'm told they actually do have a rather loving relationship behind closed doors. Ymir was definitely up for an opportunity to show off her adorable girlfriend, Historia Reiss (though we all called her Christa because she likes her middle name better). Reiner and Bertolt were up for a good time with friends; they always liked to hang out with us and were pretty much up for anything. Armin and Marco shrugged and said they'd go together on a date because why not? Of course, Eren and I were assumed to be going because the whole affair was supposed to be honoring our six months of being together. The only issue was that I had no clue about how to ice skate. I'd never done it before and I was so embarrassed about it. I only mentioned it to Eren after we got home.

"Eren…," I began shakily.

"Yeah, babe?" he replied as he collected dirty laundry in the basket nonchalantly.

"I can't ice skate."

"I'm sure you're better at it than you think. It's like riding a bike – you never forget how to do it."

"But I've never ice skated before."

"Well that's fine. You'll do alright, starlight."

"You're such a fucking loser. Rhyming like that is so hetero."

"YOU'RE so hetero."

"No. You're hetero. I thought you were straight when I met you."

"Fuck you," he shouted playfully across the apartment. When he emerged from behind the wall, I saw that he was carrying the laundry basket against his hip and I couldn't help but to laugh loudly and obnoxiously, which made Eren screw his face up in confusion.

"What's so funny?"

Struggling to speak through my laughter, I managed, "You're…a…wife!"

"I AM NOT A WIFE! YOU'RE THE WIFE!"

"Look…in…the…mirror!" I screamed in between short spurts of uncontrollable laughter.

"We'll never speak of this again," he muttered defeated.

"Yep. Because that worked out so well last time!" I quipped, pecking him on the cheek before setting about to do my homework.

* * *

The ice skating rink was fucking freezing! Eren seemed really happy despite the chill, and even Annie and Mikasa were smiling. Thoroughly weirded out, I gravitated toward the vending machine while everyone rented their skates because I already had mine and also because I felt more out of place with them than ever before. As I lingered in the corner, probably looking stupid, Christa approached, expression vaguely contented, but also incredibly sad. That confused me, so I decided to stop thinking about it.

"What's on your mind?" she asked gently, staring at the rest of them with me.

"I'm just… I know everyone is here to have fun, but I don't want to make a fool of myself."

"That's the best part. See, when you're with the person you love, they won't judge you for not knowing what to do, but laugh and fall with you so you're in good company. Just go out there for ten minutes. That's all. If you want to leave after that, I'll leave with you so you don't feel alone. Deal?"

"Yeah. Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Looks like everyone's got their skates on."

"Mhm. Y'might want Eren to help you get to the rink. Balance is a little tough at first. Just remember to trust yourself and you'll be fine."

I made eye contact with Eren and he laughed before coming over to help me. Christa's advice helped, but Eren's touch solidified it. I felt safe in his arms. I felt safe as he helped me onto the ice. I felt safe as he held my arm and waist to help me balance. I hardly noticed when he let go of my waist and just held my arm. When he let go of my arm, I sped ahead of him, finding a kinship in the ice and blades and gliding along. I figured out how to go backwards and gave my boyfriend a wide smile as he chased me around. We played like children, and the real children mocked us, but that didn't faze us. When it was time for everyone to go, Christa poked my arm and whispered in my ear.

"I told you."

I chuckled as we went our separate ways and when Eren and I got home, we had a good night despite the bruises on me from bumping into the walls a few times.

* * *

It was a normal, lazy Sunday morning. The sunlight trickled in through the blinds and I prepared my coffee. I pondered on that day at the ice rink at the beginning of winter, because by then spring had already sprung. I pondered on how, ever since that day at the rink, Armin and Marco had really hit it off. Five months had passed, and the pair seemed to be on track to get even closer. Eren and I were approaching our one-year anniversary and I continued to ponder. I pondered how fast time went. The harsh sound of a phone ringing interrupted my thoughts. I picked it up with a smile on my face as I spoke.

"Hello, this is the Jaeger- Kirstein residence!"

"Jean? This is Armin. Are you and Eren ready? Do you have plans for today?"

"Um, I don't think we do. We were just gonna maybe watch a movie. What's up, Armin? You're worrying me."

"Well, I think you two should come to the hospital. There's been a little accident."

My smile fell.

"What? Who? Are you okay?"

"I think it's best if I explain it all to you both here. Come to the surgical center at Santa Maria's Hospital and I'll meet you in the lobby."

"Okay. See you there."

I hung up and paced a bit, getting extremely nervous. Then I remembered that time was of the essence and ran into our bedroom. Jumping onto the bed, I shook Eren roughly.

"Wake up, Eren! Wake up!"

I received a dull moan in response, and a smile.

"I'm serious, Eren! Armin called. He said there's been an accident. We have to go to the hospital!"

He jolted up, eyes asking a billion questions. I shook my head to say that I didn't know anything and he raced out of bed. We both pulled on some jeans, T-shirts, and jackets because fashion was not our top priority. I chugged the rest of my coffee and we both headed out running, not even brushing our teeth in our rush. When we got to the lobby of the surgical center, we saw Armin in a disheveled state, ratty hair, sweaty odor, dark circles under the eyes. He really looked a mess, and that wasn't very encouraging.

"What happened?" we both asked.

"Marco was walking down the street yesterday, and a drunk driver hit him while driving really fast. The driver is with the police now, and Marco is in surgery."

I stared at the blond in shock for a long time before I began to cry, to sob uncontrollably. My knees buckled and I fell onto the ground and cried for what seemed like an eternity before Eren took me in his arms and picked me up off the floor.

"C'mon, Jean," he whispered, "let's be strong and have hope." I nodded half-heartedly and went with them to the elevator and we went to watch and wait for news of Marco's fate. After several hours more of waiting, a person in blue scrubs came out of the OR and approached us.

"Are you all here for Marco Bodt?"

"Yes," Eren answered, because he was the only one of the three of us who wasn't crying yet.

"During surgery, we had to put him into a coma because his pain was too great and we didn't want him to suffer a heart attack. He's recovering now, and we're moving him to the ICU. Is one of you Armin Arlert?"

Armin nodded slightly, looking up at the doctor.

"Mr. Bodt's lawyer called and said that he had to speak to you. I'll leave you the number."

"Thank you," Armin sniffed softly, taking the post-it with the phone number scrawled on it.

Armin took a bit of time to collect himself and then called the lawyer, and after a short conversation, hung up, seeming to be in a daze.

"What'd the attorney say?" I asked weakly.

"Marco has a living will. It says that, in the case of a coma, I have to decide whether or not to keep him on life support," he replied, sounding numb and hollow.

* * *

More months passed. At first, all of our friends took turns sitting vigil while some of us went home to shower, change clothes, or sleep. Eventually, though, it was back to just the three of us sitting outside his room as people left us. It was slowly at first, then all at once, sort of like how death is, I noticed. At first, it's just not being able to do some things, and the body gets weaker. But you're still there. There's still hope. Then, when death comes, that's it. That person is gone forever.

Marco's coma was sort of like him being half-dead and half-alive, but not in the way that a zombie is half-dead and half-alive. A zombie can still move and still act, but it lacks the self it once was. A comatose person is the opposite. The person has all of the self that was there before, but has no means of showing it. In many ways, I think that's even worse.

* * *

More months passed. The doctor asked Armin if he wanted to keep Marco on life support or not. Armin asked for a talk with Marco and some time to decide. Eren and I stood in the corner respectfully and watched Armin talk to his partner, and both were mere shells of who they used to be.

"Hey Marco," Armin started, trying to keep his voice light, but the quiver in it making that impossible. Armin took Marco's cold hand in his own and held it tightly. Armin's teardrops made the freckled young man's colorless skin wet, but didn't hydrate it as it shrunk more and more with time. His body was doing all it could to keep itself alive, but it wasn't going to last.

"It's Armin again. Today is Tuesday. It's July now. Aren't you happy that it's summer? I'd love to take a summer walk with you. I think, after this much time staring at your eyelids, you'll appreciate it more. It's been about four months, Marco, since you first fell asleep, so the doctor asked me if I wanted you to be kept on life support. It's a silly thing you did, by the way, making me decide. I don't think that's fair. But you know what? I think you might have done that because you knew I would let you decide for yourself. Do you want to stay or do you want to go? I love you. I'll always love you. And I'll try to understand your decision, no matter what you do. But I wanted to let you know this, because sometimes it's important to hear from somebody else: it's alright to let go now." Armin tried his best to smile, but more tears fell onto Marco's face. The blond kissed his partner's forehead and turned away, covering his face in his hands. I could tell her was crying even though it was silent because of how his shoulders shook. Both Eren and I cried too. We sat in the chairs outside Marco's room for a few hours. At eleven PM, Armin left to go shower. At midnight, Eren and I took a walk around the hospital, got some water, sat back down. At two AM, Armin returned and said that he couldn't sleep. We took another walk. Eren went to the bathroom. We returned together, and through the window we saw all the doctors and nurses in there. Loud beeping, shouting. I saw a flat line. We all fell down. The sobbing was loud as we all held each other, but no one told us to quiet down. They all understood. I shakily stood up and saw the doctors had covered his face with the blanket and I fell down again.

At nine AM, we all had to stop sobbing because we ran out of tears to cry and our voices were raw. Eren sat, brooding, clenching and unclenching his fists, deciding who to be angry at. Armin, sitting on the floor beside me, spoke first.

"He made his choice," he stated obviously. I nodded in agreement, still feeling like crying but unable.

"I'll kill him."

"Who?"

"I'll kill him. That driver. I'll fucking kill him," Eren whispered. I crawled over to him and put my hand on his fist gently.

"Eren, please." That was all I had to say for him to start sobbing again, holding his face in his hands as he whispered small apologies and cried his eyes out again. I wished I could do the same, but instead I took a walk alone. In the hospital courtyard, I saw an old man admiring a tree. I sat on a bench and watched him for a while before he turned and saw me watching him, but I didn't look away. The man sat down next to me on the bench.

"You look like a lot of people I see here. The people you're here with are crying and grieving, but you feel like you can't anymore. You feel empty. Right?"

"My best friend died early this morning and I can't cry anymore. I can't sob. I can't feel anything. It feels like just yesterday I had him, and he was alive. And now he's gone forever. It doesn't feel real."

"That's how it happens. Death is like that. Real sudden."

"You must have seen a lot of your friends die."

"I have."

"Does it get any easier?"

"No. It gets easier to accept that they're dead, but the more of them die and the older you get, the more you realize that one day, your friends will be watching you die and you'll be gone forever."

"How do you deal with it?"

"I live."

"Everyone lives."

"No. Most people just exist. The trick to living is to be able to think at the end of each day that if you died that night, you would die a happy man."

A long silence passed. I closed my eyes and thought about it.

"Say, why are you here?" I asked. No reply. I opened my eyes and looked around. No one was around.

At first I just sat there, shocked. And then I laughed. I laughed and laughed and laughed. When I was done laughing, I cried. When I was done crying, I re-entered the hospital and got the cold coffee available to visitors on the way back to where Eren and Armin were still crying and muttering. I sat there with them, but I didn't cry. I just smiled, remembering Marco's smile, Marco's laugh, Marco's life. I decided to follow the old man's advice. After an hour or so, I got up again and asked the receptionist about the guy. She told me that he had cancer and I asked her for his room number and she told me it was 438. I nodded and headed over to the room. When I opened the door, the old man was standing at the window, just looking outside. He was alone. There were no flowers on his table. I inferred that there hadn't been an visitors by in a while.

"You know, it's rude to just leave in the middle of a conversation."

"It's rude to look for people who leave in the middle of conversations."

"It's rude to hide from people who look for you."

"It's rude to look for people who don't want to be found."

"Why don't you want to be found, old man?"

"You are a persistent one, aren't you?"

"You told me to live. I'm living. I'm taking risks. I'm making sure I don't go to sleep tonight with regrets."

"It's rude to use a person's advice against him."

"You didn't tell me you're a patient here."

"You didn't ask."

"You are the last friend to be alive, aren't you?"

"Hardly that."

"You had to watch all your friends die in front of you and now you have no one."

"The nurses here are nice."

"I'll be your someone."

"You don't know me."

"Then I'll get to know you."

"Why?"

"Because you gave me the rest of my life, so I'll give you the rest of yours."

"I'm not worth it, kid."

"I'll be the judge of that."


End file.
